Chelsea Handler is hilarious and apparently the world’s greatest liar. Her coworkers and friends – who wrote this book together about the times she’s full-blown made up the most ridiculous stories ever, which they believed 100% – seem like they love her despite this. And “Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me” is just another in the series of Chelsea Handler books that made me laugh out loud. In a small paragraph written by Chelsea’s coworker and panelist Heather McDonald about her breakfast, though, I read: “You slice the bagel, scoop out all the carb-infested middle, then toast what’s left, and pile on light cream cheese, tomatoes, and cucumbers, and a hint of fresh lemon juice. You get all the crunch and flavor with half the calories!” This, of course, spoke straight to my heart. My parents had this gorgeous dinner party last night, and Brendan and I slept over afterwards, and for breakfast this morning I came down to the bagels and coffees for us from my dad. My parents had everything for these Heather McDonald bagels in their fridge, so there you go. I wasn’t feeling great so I made these, got a glass of fresh-pressed OJ and went upstairs to have breakfast in bed, which was exactly what I needed. When’s the last time you had breakfast in bed? Make this and Treat Yo’ Self. BAGELS A LA HEATHER – Bagel – 1 tbsp. capers, chopped – 2 tbsp. cucumbers, chopped – 2 tbsp. tomatoes, chopped – thin layer of cream cheese – squeeze of lemon 1. Scoop out the “carb-infested middle” of the bagel. Toast.
2. Add a thin layer of cream cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes and capers. Top with a squeeze of lemon and enjoy.
Kitchen Hacks. Do you own a measuring cup? Yes? Congratulations, you can make a really pretty-looking dinner with minimal effort. What is it about meals presented in neatly-rounded stack format that make them so appealing? I don’t know, but this is one of my favorites. I had some of my girlfriends over for a little dinner last week, and made these along with pear, prosciutto and honeyed goat cheese apps, those polenta fries with sage and a giant platter of one of my most-indulgent-while-still-being-healthy salads, an avocado and tomato salad with lemon olive oil and toasted almonds over arugula. Yummo. This is perfect for summer. LUMP CRAB AND AVOCADO STACKS (makes 5 1-cup portions) – 20 oz. lump crab (make sure you get lump or jumbo lump) – 4 avocados, mashed into larger chunks – approx. 1/4 c. fresh cilantro, chopped – 2-3 limes, juiced – zest of 1 lemon – 2-3 dashes of cumin – chopped fresh chives – kosher salt and pepper 1. Cube avocados, then mash gently (you still want them to be chunky so this can stand up to the crab). Mix in 1/2 the lime juice, a little kosher salt and about half the cilantro. Taste and adjust.
2. In a separate bowl, gently combine the lump crab, chives, the rest of the lime juice, cumin, lemon zest, and a little kosher salt and pepper. Taste and adjust.
3. Now comes the fun part! Grab a 1-cup measuring cup, and gently put a layer of the crab mixture in the bottom of it. Add the avocado mixture, packing it in gently. 4. Get a plate, and swiftly but with confidence (don’t be nervous, this is going to look great!) flip the measuring cup upside down. Pull the measuring cup up, leaving the crab and avocado mixture.
5. Step and repeat with the other plates. Serve and enjoy with a delicious lemon-marscapone cake (Goddamn Jonelle. That thing was too good.) Girlfrandz.